Sunday, August 23, 2009

This child wants more

Jamie has this need to be with her peers and others. Not just us. We pass our church every day on the way to school and work and she asks if she can go to church. Today, or now. I remark that we just go on Sundays but she wants more. I have to tell her, "but honey nobody is there today, just on Sundays".

We started going to church during our infertility journey when I was feeling particularly dismal. It's a great church (Unitarian Universalist)with an open theology that recognizes the inherent worth of every person. We practice tolerance and freedom of letting others worship and believe as they so choose. (Which is one of the founding premises of this country btw).

We had stopped going to church when we got Jamie, her nap time was 11am which coincided with the time of service, so we just fell out of the habit of going. We knew we wanted to go back some day and when Jamie started asking to go to church a couple months ago, we got back into the Sunday habit.

So maybe it's time for me to get involved with our church community and get her involved with her church community. She is crying out for it. Yes it's hard to do more, but in reading about Spirited children, they need more. More to engage them, more people to be with, more friends to have a friendship with on a regular basis.

I started thinking it would be nice to take her another day, not just on Sundays, and thought maybe Wednesday would be an option. They used to have either a small service or adult RE classes on Wednesday nights, but no nursery or RE for the kids. I was thinking I would be willing to be the babysitter/teacher for an hour or so to get it started. But to make sure I wasn't the only one coming I decided to check with some of the other families who have kids Jamie loves being with. So I asked around today, and yes the mother of the 3 yr old girl Jamie loves (who we met at the Library a couple of weeks ago and just so happens goes to our church) thought it was a great idea, and so did the gentlemen with the other 3 yr old girl Jamie loves.

It just happens that our church is in flux. Our long time minister just left for retirement so we have an internment minister for one year while we engage in the search for the next minister. So we had a meeting this morning about what we were looking for in a new minister and how we would like our church. During the meeting the cry went out to deepen our congregations relationship with one another. I talked to the RE Director after the service and she loved the idea! In fact she had a better one, one in which families worship and have dinner together. She sent me home with a book about it.

Maybe it's time...

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Are you Raising a Spirited Child?

The book I read by Popkin was excellent (Taming your Spirited Child - see previous post) and I think it could work. If your child is Spirited chances are the child possesses there characteristics:
C urious
A dventerous
P owerful
P ersistant
S ensitivity

I was hoping Mike would read the book too, but no dice. As a high school teacher just getting back into a new year, he doesn't have time. I thought maybe I could reach out to other moms/parents both online and irl to set up some sort of group to get together and talk about the concepts and what works or doesn't work. You know like a support group but also a class.

I thought if I could find others who have spirited kids we could band together...The book suggests forming a group and even has an online resourse you can purchase...Here is a article in pdf from the site that describes the concepts of spiritual children

Interesting Nugget I read from the book this morning:

You need to help you child find their passion. Adults who have a passion tend to read, and want to learn whether by formal education or by reading books, newspapers and online. If the child finds their passion you can help nuture it. Example: If you take a child to a Butterfy garden and they are enhanted, get books on butterflys, have her help you plant lantana or other butterfly loving plants and get butterfly decorations for her room etc.

I think this could help me to develop a good relationship with Jamie, will help to make sure that she is a pleasure to be around and also that she becomes a happy fulfilled member of society. And isn't that what parenting is about?

What do you think? Any interest out there? I am going to post on some online message boards, and maybe do an ad on Craigs list and the newspaper. Maybe I will set up a separate blog...any suggestions.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Hershey Park

I finally downloaded the point and shoot from the last couple of months and got to see all the shots from our expedition to Hershey Park. The little girl in the photo with Jamie was her best friend - at least for the morning. We rode a couple of the same rides at the same time as this family which allowed the girls to ride together.

Upon seeing the photos tonight Jamie exclaimed "there is my best friend!" I said, really do you remember her name? and yes she did, her name was Ariel. That kid has the greatest name recognition, she just may be a politician.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

A long night/day

Well I never made it back asleep...come to find out Jamie and Mike were awake in the other bedroom so we have all been up since 5am or so (me since 3am) Jamie and I got up from the bed about 6:30 and came out here on the porch. I love my porch- Its screened in and half of it has a screened top and a partially bricked partially dirt floor. So I have some large split leaf philodendrums growing and some palms are against the outside on one side, my pool on another, some privacy bushes on the 3rd side and the house on the fourth side.

Guess I could just post a photo eh? Here are some from earlier in the summer that show the view from the porch, but I don't seem to have any of the porch itself.
Anyway I am so enjoying being out here. Jamie and I did some cleaning and straightening (well mainly me, but she did help wipe down a couple chairs) and then we did sand play and I got online and emailed some friends to maybe come over.

Anyway nobody could make it over on such short notice so we just continued. Mike got up about 10, he has a bad cold, and got a bit disgruntled when he saw I was trying to start the New Lawnmower, so he mowed the back yard, hacking and coughing and complaining the whole time.

I told him I would do it but he persisted. While he mowed I vacuumed the pool and Jamie just enjoyed being in the pool.

They went to Firehouse to get some subs *YUM* Hook and Ladder anyone? and I am in heaven - blogging and playing my game - Settlers of Cataan online.

I love Saturdays.


Life is good.

I have been lamenting what coulda been shoulda been mighta been lately and need to stay in the present. Time to do an old fashioned gratitude list.

Here is just a short one - I am up at 4am as we all went to bed at 9am and I didn't sleep through!

Nice Home
Great husband
Wonderful Child
Nice vehicle
Good job
Good friends
Sweet kitties
Pool in the backyard
Extra money for wants not just needs at times

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Back to School/Work

Well my lazy days of summer have come to an end. Mike teaches high school and has been off this summer so I have relied on him to take Jamie to school and do stuff around the house. It's almost as if we are both off for the summer, though I am not sure he feels that way.His school got an "F" grade this past year and so he has to do some kind of remedial education Team building crap this week and next week some more of the same. Stuff that teachers that weren't in F schools dont have to do this crap.And why may you ask did his school recieve an "F" grade this year? Well two of the neighboring schools that are located in the inner City got 3 consecutive "F" grades in the recent past. Sooo...with the infinite wisdom of our state government those kids were given vouchers to get out of the schools....Like rats from a sinking ship. So now Mikes school is failing. What are they going to do when all of the schools are F? Going to shut down the public school system? What makes sense here? Don't get me started.Anyway back to me, Now I get to get Jamie ready again each morning, and resume with the dishes and more of the household chores Mike has been doing. And the errands, and the grocery shopping...ugh...

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Do you spank?

Please let me know if you occasionally spank your child for bad behavior. This book and so much I read is strongly opposed. I know I don't have any fond memories of being spanked. My mom used a wide firemans belt with a brass buckle - 'The Belt'. I remember getting spanked pretty darned hard with that thing up through elementary school. I know that most of my generation was spanked, they even spanked in schools at that time.

Do you spank? if so why and when? how old are your kids/were they when you spanked them and do you think it harmed your relationship as their parent?

Mike is Home! or No Spanking Zone

This past week my husband has been downstate doing high intensive training for better skills as an AP World History teacher to high school students. My mom even came and stayed to help out most of the days he was gone but it was pretty difficult without him. My hat is off to you single mommies out there (and those of you that don't get regular help and respite from your husbands!!)

When Mike is here he does alot, especially in the summer when he isn't in the classroom. He feeds Jamie in the morning and gets her dressed; takes Jamie to school, and does some stuff around the house; and then picks her up after school, plans dinner and pretty much cooks it himself, and then often does the dishes. I know I know, it sounds like I have a wife doesn't it? I know I am lucky...when I read other blogs where husbands barely load the dishwasher much less anything else.

So I got a taste of what it's like to be single and got warmed up for when he will start teaching again in 3 weeks or so.

Jamie picked this week to really try my patience and last night she tried Mikes. He spanked her twice and I think he has only spanked her one time before this so it was stressful on all of us.

In reading this book on "Taming the Spirited Child" they strongly recommend not spanking. Instead you are to remain calm - which harkens back to one of my best slogans in life I have learned - He who angers me controls me. Anyway remain calm, talk about their Feelings, (It must make you mad that you can't have a cookie); then remark on Logic (but if we all ate cookies all the time we would blow up like balloons; Give an Alternative (How about a nice crunchy carrot); Then if that doesn't work use a Consequence; (If you don't stop crying about the cookie you will need to sit in the Time Out chair). FLAC is the acronym or as I like to call it dealing with Flac with Flac!

I have been trying...but I just get so aggravated and get angry with her...I guess she is controlling me.