RIP Poncho 1997-2008

I will miss him so very much. He was my constant companion whenever I was home. He would follow me into the bathroom even while I took my shower, sitting on the vanity waiting for me to pet him...He was in the kitchen when I cooked, on the couch or in my lap when I was on the couch, following me down to laundry, out on the porch or on his leash when I went outside etc.

After the downturn on Sunday, and going to the vet, he just got worse every day. I started to force him to eat on Monday, and Tuesday morning, but it was apparent he didn't care to go on. He would just lay there moaning...and last night he crawled under the couch - I think to die...I was able to get him out this morning by wedging Jamies step stool under it when I managed to raise it, thinking he was dead. He was alive, barely...I had an important meeting at 9am in Flem Island so I went and made an appt at the vet for late this afternoon. I sat and held him and cried and said Goodbye, Jamie sat with us for a couple of minutes before we left the house...Mike and I took him together to the vet this afternoon and the Dr agreed - It was time. It was very peaceful...

We decided to share the experience with Jamie as when we got home she asked for Poncho and cried when he wasn't there. We showed Jamie his body and explained that this was Poncho's body and that Poncho was gone. But we had to go into further detail because she knows the word gone in the context of her best friend in daycare Sydney who left the home daycare 2 weeks ago. She is constantly telling us in a very sorrowfilled voice 'Syndey gone' so we had to explain Poncho had died. Not just gone, but died.

Then tonight we did our regular ritual and watched the beginning of a dvd I bought for .50 at a garage sale called Cats & Dogs (we finished Finding Nemo last nite - it was great) and read her "goodnight Moon" and "the Napping book" and we put her down as we always do. Well she was crying like her heart was breaking. Mike went in a couple times, and then I did and rocked her for a while, she was really crying...and she said "Poncho Gone?" "Yes baby Poncho is gone, he died" She calmed down and went immediately to sleep when I put her back in the crib.

Gosh I hope it was Ok to handle it this way...I am so sad.