Friday, October 25, 2013

Missing my Mom

This was taken on Mothers Day this year and Mom died in her sleep the following Tuesday night/Wed Morning. I think about her every day - I have this photo on my Ipad home screen so her face greets me several times a day.

I still can't believe she is gone.

She has always been there for me. (Even when I maybe didn't want/need her there.)

And therein lies the guilt. I wish I had taken her on one of the cruises we went on. She was so disabled it would have been tough on her. There is a lot of walking involved on a ship and some of it could be rough.

Or I should have went over more and just hung out with her. She told me about a month before she died that she thought she wouldn't make it through the year.And I didn't take that seriously. I said, cmon Mom you have so much to live for, don't say that!

I ignored the signs...She was losing control of her bodily functions and she just didn't feel well most of the time. Her apartment had a foul odor. My brother said it was her body deteriorating that smelled so bad. Some of the items we took out of her apartment had that odor in it.

She was dying. She was only 72 years old but she had had bad health for many years. Diverticulitus, Lung disease, Congestive heart failure, breast cancer twice, diabetes and many other problems. She was dying but I wouldn't ...couldn't see the signs.

She is gone. I miss her every day.

1 comment:

Cinda said...

So sorry you have to know the pain. Don't get buried in the guilt because it only hurts you... is there something or someone you can focus on in memory of your mom? Love you!