Sometimes it's time for a change

But the question is am I up for it...Change is very difficult for me.

I just know that life is too short. Too short to be waking up worrying in the night.

Too short to be snapping at my husband and child.

Too short to be wishing the days away each week.

But am I able to do what is needed to be done? Today I took a first step.

Not sure it will get me down the right path. But I had to at least try something different.

I just haven't felt well & Jamie isn't doing well either

I have been out of the loop as I dont feel well physically, and not too great emotionally and spiritually. I know bronchitus takes it's toll on me, so this too shall pass.

In the meantime I have gotten in trouble at work again. I probably do need to look for another job. I just love my job...or what I do anyway. My job has become very trying to say the least.

Guess that is enough said about that.

On another front, Jamie has taking to stealing. Yup stealing, taking others possessions - mostly at school. When Mike arrives to take her home she will insist that some sweater or bag is hers. He believes her and they take home some other childs jacket. Sheesh, she is so convincing she got the teacher to scotch tape her name onto a dance bag that had a name tag of some other child on it, with dance shoes inside with that same childs name magic markered on the shoes.

And she is very high energy. I had one of the helper parents in my daughters church prek class tell me my daughter is as much work as all of the others combined.

Ahhh good times. Is it spring yet?

Durn it fell off the 30 day challenge wagon!

Well I was doing so good, but then the crud hit me. My annual bout with Bronchitus/sinusitus had me throw in the 30 day challenge with the Wii Active. Shoot it makes me mad. Don't know what it will say to me when I go back to it...Probably Start Over! You are Not The BIGGEST LOSER!!

I'm still dragging myself to work each day, today I went to the Dr. and got prescriptions for Steriods, Antibiotics and nebulizer inhalations.

Here's to breathing free and clear sometime soon though these things seem to drag out many days for me.

I think I have some faulty lungs...knew I shouldn't have been smoking all those years.

Anyone else get this every year?!

This Wii Active gives a good workout

Well I made it through one week of the 30 Day Challenge with this 'game'. It really isn't a game, it's a work out video/guide. It really is like having a personal trainer as it encourages you and nags you if you aren't lunging or squatting low enough, or if you aren't running fast enough.

It gives you rest days periodically and good thing too! Although it changes up the exercises so you don't work the same muscle group two days in a row, it's a heck of a work out, it really gets your heart rate up and keeps you moving. I have been getting up and doing it at 6am before my shower and Jamie wakes up.

I weighed in yesterday for our weightloss challenge and put a couple of the lbs lost back on. Could I have made muscle that quick? Or was it the pizza for lunch?

Need to get back on the food part of this thing. Time to eat more fish.

Ok another couple of pounds lost!

I love to eat. Losing weight is hard for me, but I really am determined. We are doing another Weight Loss challenge at work. This time just a few of us, but that's ok. I am eating alot of fish and fruit. I hope to get down 8 more lbs in the next 6 weeks. (I have lost four lbs so far in the first 2 weeks). This is doable.

I can't find a copy of the Wii fit which I think is too much fun (based on doing it at a friends house twice for 20 minutes or so) I know the real test will be getting it home and actually using it. In the meantime I got a copy of Wii EA Active on sale this week at Target for only $44 based on alot of rave reviews online.

However I bought it Wednesday and it is still in the package!

Love Me Tender

This book with CD is the sweetest for bedtime. All the photographs are handpainted and are of a doting father with his four year old daughter. It is the perfect book for us all to unwind and settle down with at Jamie's bedtime.

THis is still a much treasured ritual in our household and helps immensely to get Jamie to calma down into bedtime mode.

Synopsis from Ebay (They want $46 for this book used!)

Elvis Presley first sang "Love Me Tender" in the 1956 film of the same name. It was Presley's big screen debut and launched a stellar movie career. But it was the song, which Elvis co-wrote, that people took to their hearts. It is still one of his most popular. Now paired with Tom Browning's beautifully rendered paintings, these moving lyrics become a testament to the unconditional love between parent and child. A birthday, a walk in the park, that first tentative bike ride, and other special moments shared between a father and daughter make Elvis Presley's Love Me Tender an album full of precious memories.

Jamie is registed for Pre-K!

I can't believe my little baby girl is not even a toddler anymore, she is a PreK!

Here she is with one of her favorite birthday gifts from Aunt Cinda.

This WII has been fun!

We are enjoying the Wii, these photos from Jamie's birthday show that even the adults had a good time. This was boxing and as you can see it really is a blast.

Boxing and bowling however take a lot of arm strength and movement which I don't have too much of. While at a friends house I tried out the WII fit and want it but it is nowhere to be found, everyone has been out for weeks. The games/exercises rely more on your core body strength and balance rather than just the arm so it will be better for me. Also it really is a work out, and a fun one at that. My friend and I thought maybe if we both do it...we could even create MIIs on each others games so we could come back and forth to each others houses.

I started a new 8 week Weight Loss Challenge at work last Friday with a few other employees. I hope to lose 12 lbs this time. I want to look better and feel better. I really want to do it this time. I am eating alot of fish and fruit and staying away from starches- potatoes, rice etc...(and of course no cookies, candy, ice cream)

Maybe I will even get on the rowing machine again!

Things are better this week

Oh my gosh what a difference a week makes. Maybe there isn't so much pressure. Maybe I responded better and went out and made some good sales. More likely a combination of the two things along with some good advice from a friend (thanks Patty) and my husband made me take stock and just do it.

I know this will be a hard road to hoe with this new management team, I just need to show them what I am made of. I am a good salesperson and employee, I work hard and love my job. I just don't respond well to pressure.

*Sigh* Another learning experience!

On another note, my daughter has become quite the pistol. Whining and arguing about everything. Hopefully she is just responding to the extra stress I have been under and will calm down and come back to earth. If not we have got to find a way to show her this is unacceptable.

Tonight at ChickFilA with friends she whined/cried pretty persistantly about wanting ice cream, then about an hour later a salad. She had eaten a hearty dinner before going there so there was no reason for it. I had to take her OUTSIDE in the cold to talk with her and tell her that we would either go in and play somemore, or we would be leaving, no more whining and crying. It worked but later when it was time to play she wouldnt come down off the tower in the playroom. Had to threaten to take her new baby doll away for a week to get her to come down!

Shew!! this parenting is almost as stressful as my job!

My Heart Hurts

I am so stressed and overtired I probably should just go to bed.

But my heart hurts. I love my job, but not what it has become. Or let's say I love what I do, or did, but not lately.

Yes there is always an adjustment period with a new manager. You have to sell yourself as a good employee and worth working with.

I guess I didn't do a good job of selling myself with my new manager.

She just seems so repelled by me. I am definetely not the type of employee she would hire if she could. So far she has hired 2 blonde petite woman, (and she is as well) and I am neither. (I have a theory that bosses tend to hire those who are most similar to them physically)

I came in today with a testimonial from one of my clients. It wasn't easy to get and it wasn't perfect. I read it to her, and I could see her lip curl in distaste. "That's a strange testimonial"

I got written up for something this week. Something I have been very open about with both of my managers on this particular job. While she was explaining why I was being written up she also chose that time to share how much she doesn't like things I have done and said and how much I Push Back. Well Lady I am not used to being pushed so hard either!

Christ it sucks that one person can have this much power and control over another in a free country.

The economy sucks pretty bad to be able to go out and find another job right now.

So my heart hurts now.

Jamie's Birthday Cake

This was my first attempt at a 'Real' decorated cake, I really am surprised it came out as well as it did, but looking at it now I can see its flaws. Jamie sure liked it though and it looked pretty good for an amatuer attempt.

Oops! They told her she is four! & They prefer she eats first

My girl turned four today. But we didn't tell her. We just didn't do it as we were going to do a small party on Saturday for her with cake and gifts and just wanted to call that her birthday.

But they told her at school. I was feeling bad about not telling her all day long from work. Jamie didnt seem to mind though. She was just happy we took her to the restaurant. And the restaurant served her some caramel nut pie. then we went to Chuckie Cheese for a quick go around.

We will still do a small get together on Saturday, Cinda? will you guys come? Nothing fancy, maybe some Mac & Cheese for the kids, and maybe Chili for us grownups...Sound ok?

Go ahead, tell me if I am a bad mom. I can take it. We are never ready for her birthday so soon after Christmas and have been celebrating later in the month every year (usually the 3rd weekend). But this year I didn't tell the teacher, so the secret got out.

In other news, when I took Jamie to school today, her teacher informed me that she would prefer Jamie didn't eat breakfast there. I just turned to her and said, well that isn't going to work for us. Jamie won't get up in the morning, and I can barely get her dressed, there isn't any way I am going to get her to eat before 7:30am.

I then asked if I should find another daycare...she said no. I asked why things had changed, as this was spelled out clearly in the beginning...that they didn't serve breakfast, but the kids could eat there in the morning if the parents brought it. I was told because Jamie's classroom is where all the other classes drop their kids before 8:30 it's too chaotic for the teacher to handle.

Is that my problem? or theirs?

I'm sorry but this is almost a deal breaker. The last place I took Jamie was home based and she got a hot breakfast and lunch each day. Plus snacks.

Do you feed your child before daycare/school?

New Family Tradition - The Princess and The Frog & Up in the Air

We went to see movies this morning. Well I was looking for some sort of Family Tradition for the New Year Holiday, and I came up with the movies! I figure we will go either on New Years Eve, or first thing on New Years Day. We really don't go out to the movies that often so it is a special treat.

This was Jamie's second 'At the Movies' experience, it really was a cute movie. (Up was her first, last summer).

I could see Mike wasn't as excited as we were to see yet another Princess movie so I mentioned that the new George Clooney movie was playing at the same time...his eyes lit up, so that's what we did. Went to the movies and split up. Weird? Maybe so, but it gave him a chance to see a movie out (which is very important to him- me not so much).

Jamies Favorite Toys

Jamie will be four in a week! Can you believe it?! She has very distinct likes and dislikes and here is a list of some of her favorite toys.

New Fondness for Stuffed animals - Currently a green TY bunny, a Pink Princess Bear, a TY kittie she got off my desk on Black Friday and of course the loveys - Waddy, Car Waddie, School Waddy, Toddy, Yaddy, and Angel Waddy. (Yes she has Five Lovey back ups - all of them little bear heads on 10" square blankies; but Waddy is the preferred comfort object).

Necklace - I know this isn't really a toy but this girl just loves her necklaces, she has a silver heart with a pink 'jewel' and a 'J' necklace. She had a couple of rings but they were too big and slipped off to get lost.

Puzzles- She is good at these and about to move up to the 70 pieces from the 24 and 48 piece puzzles. (Oh lord more pieces to lose!)

Barbie Dolls- she got a Princess Barbie at Christmas, her first brand new one which joins about 8 she already had.

Vtech motion - this is new from Christmas. we got her 4 additional games. Some are a bit over her head yet, so hopefully this game will be good for a few years.

Coloring - she has coloring books and crayons, and colored pencils. She also has color magic, those pens that only work in the books (which can get expensive!); and a color Explosion which is a light board with pictures to trace with magic markers; and some white board coloring sheets with white board markers. (I think they stopped making these - you can use them over and over, so it's not good for company profits!) Also a white board Princess table she can draw on she got for Christmas. I am so glad my girl colors! I enjoy doing this with her.

Books - she truly likes her books...and she has plenty. we read together every day and she calls out for her favorites. We also always have at least a dozen from the library. Faves include Fancy Nancy, John Lithgow, Broommates (and others by this very talented author I can't recall the name of), and just recently Barbie books.

Clothes. I know this isn't toys but she favors skirts and boots right now. As well as Princess and Tinker bell embellishments on everything from Hoodies down to her panties.

DVD's Again, not toys, but important to her nevertheless. Current faves include: Barbie's Nutcracker and Swan Lake, Eloise - a little girl who lives at the Plaza Hotel (thanks April!); oh and Calliou on On Demand.

Cutting - This is a new favorite passtime, Her teacher suggested she does this more often to hone her Fine Motor skills. So she now has access to a bag of catalogs/magazines and blunt nose scissors she can use to cut with. She did cut one thing she wasn't supposed to once, (One of the cards to the game Candyland) but seems to understand that she stays with the stuff in the bag.

Games- This is a new one. She started playing 'Hi Ho Cherry O' about 2 mos ago, and got Candyland and Chutes and Ladders for Christmas (thanks Cinda!). I hope to morph her to Eurostyle strategy games soon. (may have to buy Cataan for kids.)

7.5 hours into the journey

Ok we are so done with being in the car. I am tired of hearing “we wish you a Merry Christmas” and “I want to go to a restaurant!” The first from a Christmas DVD we are watching for the 3rd time; the former from my daughter who is miserable and wants out of the car. So do I.

This journey should be 9 hours but we will not be making that mark as we are in stop and go traffic on I95 southbound through South Carolina. Why in the world is I95 only 2 lanes in each direction!?%$U#_$()#

Anyway as I type this we are leaving South Carolina! Maybe Georgia has an extra lane to help open up this jam. Why the heck is their a traffic jam on the Wednesday after Christmas anyway? I could see the Sunday after, but the Wednesday?

Or is everyone in the North making their way down to the warmer Florida climes? We left at 10:30 am and it was 33 degrees. It is now 6pm and its up to 58 Degrees…

Aahh the minitue of our travel details…

Back to “I want to go to a restaurant….I want Waddie…I can’t hear my movie…”

And we are back in the land of three lanes!! Traffic has opened up at last. Thank you Georgia! South Carolina get with the program!!

Things that bug me about my daughter:

She pulls her necklace up on top of her nose straining the chain. I have warned her enough, it is breaks she will have to pay the natural consequences as I will not be fixing or replacing it any time soon. (I started this list as she was doing this, and giving me a sidelong glance to see if I would try to stop her).

Her constant whining at times.

She is as messy as her father and I and reluctant to do the work to put things back in order.

An emergent wise guy ‘tude’. I hope it’s just a phase and we are able to nip it in the bud, but I fear she has a strong personality like her parents and I wince when I hear myself yelling at her. Durnit.


Things I love about my daughter:
Her delight in all things Christmas.
Her love of music and songs.
Her love of the written word.
Her sparkling eyes and happy nature. (most of the time!)
Her social nature – she has so many friends all ready and they are so important to her!
Her exhuberant greetings. (She runs to you and says “MOMMMMMYYYY!!!” at the top of her lungs…or “Grandma’ Or “Daddy”…you get the picture).

Well it’s now after 9pm and we are still on the road. Mike went ahead and took a 20 mile detour on a state highway that runs along this interstate and we were actually moving…when the highway crossed back over the Interstate we could see things were moving again so we reented I95 and are sailing along finally. This has been the longest journey btn N.Carolina and Florida I can ever remember. Hope we are home by ten. (crap that’s 11.5 hours!!) I’m telling you I don’t like to travel at all during the holidays!!

What is going on? Is everyone and their mother on the road this evening?!

North Carolina Post Christmas

Christmas was wonderful, we are just now leaving Mike's brother in laws house near Roxboro North Carolina. As I don't have Wifi in the car (yet) I am typing this up to post later. Jamie is entranced with a new Eloise video and the sun is shining though it is cold as ice here.

We had a very nice visit with Jamie's uncle and grandma and also saw Mikes' aunt and uncle. I still wish there was more of a connection to her other kin when we go to visit to North Carolina as this is Mikes' childhood home. All of his cousins and aunts and uncles live there still, but we rarely see them. I didn't push for a visit to his fathers side of the family this time. I wish Mike felt it was as important as I do...but I guess he doesn't. We spend the entire visit with his mom and brother and that's what is important to him. Jamie was showered with love and presents (one of them a near life sized bowling alley- oh my where in the world will we set that up!?) and Mike and his brother had a riot with the Wii. They especially liked the Madden Football and the Golf that came with the console. I am so glad Mike likes the Madden as it was $50 just for that game alone!

All of the games I bought at the company auction were a bust, except for Excite Bots racing game. One of the games didn't even work - the Word Mah Jong that I thought would be fun to play with my mom and girlfriends; so that was disapointing. The other games - 6 Flags, some sort of zoo game, Cheerleading, and another I can't remember got the worst reviews online; but Jamie may enjoy...We will see. At least that auction was for a good cause, United Way. Companies send games, movies and books to be reviewed by the newspaper I work at, and every year we have an auction to sell them and the proceeds go to charity. I paid about $60 for 6 Wii games and thought I had a great deal, but turns out, not so much.

Meanwhile I would like to get the Wii Fit, one of the Mario brothers games, Zelda and maybe this game that is only on the Wii channel called Blob. (that got some fabulous reviews online). Did you know the Wii comes with internet access; a nifty photo viewing channel and a channel with downloadable Nintendo games?

So the Wii ends up being a Money pit as we already bought the extra controllers and numchuk and two wheels...We are into it for well over $300 already and have at least $200 earmarked to buy more for.

But it's a blast so it's worth it.

We will be home in time to get things in order around the house and get ready for going back to work on Monday. I guess I am ready. I feel much more relaxed despite my back up person Facebooking me with questions/problems with my accounts on Monday and Tuesday. I am sure it was my fault he didn't have all the answers, but that is the way it goes...my territory is complicated and alot needs to be done every week. I just had to prepare as best as possible and let go and go...I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about work so let me change the subject now!

As I was saying we had a nice restful visit. My mother-in-law had prepared a HUGE dinner for Christmas (which we weren't there for) but we got to eat the left overs the next 3 days. I overpacked, I brought the stuff to make soup or chili with, leftover Veggie Beef soup from Christmas and 5 Bean salad, so our cooler is almost as paced as it was when we arrived. So although I did alot of dishes while we were there, I didn't have to prepare any food and basically relaxed on Facebook. :-)

Looking forward to getting home, unpacked and seeing my kitties. Will probably do the same thing we always do on New Years Eve - stay home. We are such homebodies!

What are you doing for New Years Eve?

Great untraditional Christmas

We are hanging out playing the Wii while Jamie is napping. Last night was just a casual meal of soup and salads with good friends and my mom. We went to church and sang great Christmas carols while Jamie and Emmie alternatly spazzed out. (I got a great video of them tussling with each other during the 'Children Come up Time' at the beginning of the service...

Afterwards we came back to our neighborhood and joined a 'Haywagon' ride. This new neighbor who completely outdoes us all with his great light displays for both Christmas and Halloween; (and inspired alot of us to put up lights this year) had a rigged 'haywagon'. It was a four wheeler with a trailer with a Small lit Christmas tree and lights on it filled with haybales. He took us all out on a trip around the neighborhood on it to see the lights, then we went to the big display several miles away where over 100 homes had lights strung up in 75 foot trees...It was so crowded with cars snaking through there, it was like being on a slow moving train.

Then back home to sleep and get up and open presents...for almost 2 hours! Jamie was so much fun this year. At first she wanted to linger over each and every gift...then she was rushing from one to the next.

Good times.

Then just now during naptime (Love this kind of Christmas...no where to go nothing to do, no food to make (lots left from last night!) just rest, relax and laugh with my family. I am so lucky - anyway I was reading (catching up) on my favorite blogs. Yondalla over at Thoughts from a Foster Family recommended this very untraditional Christmas song. It is performed by Tim Minchin an Austrailian Songwriter/Pianist/Comedian who is a bit of an agnostic.

Go take a listen. - it just may move you as it moved us..let me know what you think.

Hope you are having a wonderful holiday too.

Gift Cards? Guess I am a Grinch!

Ok I was on one of my favorite blogs just now and she mentioned that you are 'supposed' to get gift cards for each of your child's teachers/helpers. I never heard that before. Like I just commented on Lauri's blog
Leap of faith, I just never knew about this 'rule' before! Mike is a high school teacher, I didn't see any gift cards coming from his 100 plus kids! A couple of Christmas cards is what he got.

I got my child's teacher and teacher aid each a box of Chocolate Mint covered Cookie Bites in a tin. I feel that was sufficient, but maybe I am wrong.

As far as I am concerned really, Christmas is for kids, not adults. I just don't see the point of trading gift cards back and forth...or bath salts or knick knacks.

I give my mom and mother-in-law generous checks, because they are both on fixed incomes, and we did for a friend or two that is really strapped. Other than that we buy for Jamie and some of her little friends. And a bit for each other. This year we got 'the Wii Bundle' and some Wii games I got at a company Auction for about $5 each. Mike is getting me a charm (I think) of a little girl, and I may get him the Madden game for the Wii.

That's it. That means I don't run from store to store wondering what to get everyone, freaking out and shopping late at night in exhaustion. I really hate the malls and not too many folks would appreciate my thrift store finds. And yes, all of my friends know...let's just not buy for each other emkay?

My Christmas is much less stressful this way, and it's best for everyone for Mom not to get too stressed.

So am I a big Grinch? Doncha wish you could do it (not do it) too!?

Up all night

We went out to dinner this evening and when we got back we put Jamie down to sleep and I followed immediately after! In bed lights out and asleep at nine pm! So now I am wide awake at four am, and have been since two am.

I will pay the price tomorrow at work. Only this week and next and then I have the holidays to myself and my family. Funny thing is the holiday events we have planned around her school and dance classes all occur this week and next. Good thing I have a job where I can slip away now and then...Too bad I lost our smaller instant camera, it had a video function and I would really like to tape Jamies' performances in her two dance 'recitals' this week.

ONe is a true performance, the Saturday class she takes is doing a real routine, so cute. The littles (only 3 of them, all 3 yrs old) dancing to 'Rockin around the Christmas Tree' It needs work but it shoudl be cute. The other class that she does at school (which is more of a ballet focused class) is just inviting us parents in to see the progress the girls have made.

Am I crazy? I looked into a third class, this one offers a ballet/tap combo. I just really think Jamie would love tap. I think tap looks like a blast, wish I could join her!

Facebook ate my Post!

Ok I have to admit, since getting embroiled in Facebook and all of my new farms, cafe, fish tanks and wars I am running daily I just don't get to my blog as much anymore.

I am a huge gamer and have a bit of an addictive personality. Combine that with Facebook - not only a social networking site, but land of the games and it doesnt leave much time at night for other activities. It's also cutting into my all time favorite online game - a version of Settlers of Catan.

So I just need to go to FBanonymous or something...

On a more positive note, despite feeling a bit blue lately I feel a bit better this week for some reason. Maybe it's knowing I have TWO WHOLE Weeks off work!? or knowing that this Christmas is going to be amazing with Jamie...

Work seems to have maybe eased up a bit stress wise, this is always a slow time and I think my new boss is maybe getting more relaxed.

And I am at 10 lbs lost since September. It feels so good but I do need to keep on. I don't want to be this big anymore, I want to have the energy to go and do with my girl.